All Roads Led To Oprah: An Open Letter To The RNC

All Roads Led To Oprah: An Open Letter To The RNC

To my dear, antiquated RNC:

So you think there’s a culture war? Probably. Are you losing? Lol, hellz yeah. Your first tactical error is allowing the opponent to even engage you. They back you into corner in every battle, tie you up, throw you in a little square box, then laugh at you while pointing fingers and getting all of their cool friends to do the same. It’s painful to watch, but like a train wreck, we just can’t look away.

Stop engaging your enemy. When they set you up with their predictable questions, you must call them out. They call you a racist, and you beg them to stop bullying you and taking your lunch money. They call you homophobes, and you plead with them to believe that you love everyone–just not their actions. They call you square, and you say “Hey, we’re cool, I promise, because look, Angelina Jolie’s dad likes us.”

When are you going to run a candidate with a spine? A candidate who will respond to these strategic taunts with a big, bold, cool, culturally aware, “Screw you, not in my house” rebuttal. These taunts aren’t even worthy of a direct response. They are a screen, a tactical distraction.

You may ask, why do we need a candidate with more cultural awareness and, quite frankly, one that is cool? Because Barack Obama won America in ONE DAY by tactically embracing the hottest universal language at the time. On October 19, 2006 Barack Obama appeared on The Oprah Show and became the inevitable king of all things cool, awesome, and hip. He instantly became one of Oprah’s “Favorite Things” and the product started flying off the shelf. For the first time since JFK, young democrats had an idol to prop up; an untouchable king of the liberal mafia. Barack Obama was even so smooth that he was able to trick some conservatives into believing that he could be the ultimate unifier, not divider. (We now know that his (and most liberals) m.o. is to make us more divided than ever to keep his brand alive.)

*Pardon me for a moment while I think to myself. (WHY, Oprah, WHY? Did he fool you? It’s ok, it happens. Well, only to those who were eager to knight Senator Barack Obama because of his skin color. Didn’t MLK teach you not to judge a man by the color of his skin, but by the content of his character? And regarding character, didn’t Dr. Phil teach you that “the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior“? I’ll take “Domestic Terrorists” for $600 please, Alex. So, can you just apologize and admit that you did this to us? If you apologize, you might just win back the viewers who abandoned you, and you know it. We. All. Blame. You.)

*(Hey Hillary, can WE get that Reset Button? Share the love! But, spell it correctly for us this time.)

Back to you, RNC- I know your base demands and craves them some Ted Cruz, but come on. There’s gotta be a Ted Cruz-type that’s actually cool. One that the 18-29 demographic doesn’t completely write off and tune out the second he opens his mouth. It really doesn’t have to be an either/or proposition. You must. have. both. You no longer have the option of running the purest, conservative Republican, evangelical Christian. Aren’t all the evangelicals missing their noses anyway because they cut them off to spite their faces on November 6, 2012? (Selfish?)

Maybe instead of making fun of President Obama for appearing on the Pimp With A Limp Show (we know you were just jealous of his strategery), you find a candidate who can do some pimping of his own because guess what, that appearance worked. There are, in fact, voters who listen to that super awesome show. (-credit to @BillWhittle for the Pimp With A Limp point)

There are liberals who are experimenting with libertarian ideals, but have nowhere to go. So, strike now while the iron is hot. Give them someone they can relate to. Someone like Ashton Kutcher. Have you been following his attempts to defect from the Obama concentration camp? Guess what? He is running away from it, but has nowhere to go. Give people like him a reason to call your camp “home”. It can be done, but you need to get some new, culturally relevant mouthpieces to go on the Sunday morning shows. People like Ashton, Bruce Jenner, or funny guys like Sherrod Small need to make your case on Jimmy Fallon’s show. (-credit to @BillWhittle for the Bruce Jenner reminder)

Aim your words at the voters who think Sarah Palin actually said that she can see Russia from her house. (Yes, millions of E! News watchers still think she is the one who said that.) Those voters may never know that your message of freedom is actually the cooler one if you don’t give them a reason to remove their hands from over their ears. You just can’t continue to act like you are too pure for pop culture because it actuallyruns the world“-said by Kevin Williamson, @KevinNR, reported by Jim Geraghty, @jimgeraghty. It’s like you pass around one cup of Kool Aide at your National Convention and everyone back-washes into it.

Gross.

Sincerely,

American Political Refugees Who Need A Camp To Call Home

#BeTheBridge

(A special thanks to @LarryOConner, @MattWalshBlog, @BillWhittle, @KevinNR, and @NoahCRothman for a refreshing, open, and honest debate about culture and politics at the AFP TX Online Conference.)

A.G. Cohen

A.G. Cohen

#WorldPeace Go and do.



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